SALON CONFIDENTIAL: True Confessions…

Posted: May 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

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Like all good Moms, mine always wanted me to become a priest or a doctor when I grew up. Once I entered my teenage years it became very evident that the priesthood was not in my future. I did however give great consideration to becoming a Doctor, and till this day believe I would have been a great one! Life took a different path for me after that first summer I spent working as a shampoo boy in the hair salon. The fashion, the models, the booze, the fun….all the glitz and glamour was just WAYYYYY more appealing than scrubs and long hours of none of the above. GIRLS GIRLS AND CURLS was more my desire.
Little did I know that the skills needed to become a successful hairdresser were similar to those needed to become not only a doctor, but a priest as well.

Some of the many Job Requirements:
Great bedside manner, skilled listener, working long hours on your feet, responding to emergencies (bad hair days wreak havoc), wearing black and other strange outfits combining black, working with sharp instruments, psychiatry 101, and the power of absolution for all.

Perhaps as your reading this blog, you are recalling a time that you have needed one of these skills from your hairdresser.

One of the first times I realized I was going to need these abilities was the day my client, we will call her Mrs. Rosenberg, sat in my chair and proceeded to share her ENTIRE sexual history with me. All of which she concluded was the reason for her recent hysterectomy. I found myself nodding and trying to be compassionate and understanding, all the while trying to figure out what the hell a hysterectomy was! Realizing that “listening” was the cure to help Mrs. Rosenberg begin to feel better, I prescribed a huge dose of it and the healing began.

Which brings me to my second client/patient/sinner. Mrs. Brown, who in great detail, shared with me more than she would ever confess to her priest. Escapades involving the pool boy, the gardener, and yes, even her previous hairdresser. As she shared her stories, I wondered “why is she telling me this stuff? ” Was she coming on to me, was she trying to shock me, or was she merely looking for someone to validate her activities?

As the days and years passed and one woman after the next sat in my chair either confessing her sins to me or showing me her recent breast enhancements, I couldn’t help but feel honored to be entrusted with such secrets and, quite frankly, being a straight man in the industry, the position didn’t suck.

In reality Mrs. Rosenberg and Mrs. Brown were just the beginning of many clients that opened my eyes and gave me a unique perspective into the female psyche. Keep in mind, my clientele were some of the most beautiful and wealthy women in New York. The stories they shared were not only provocative and tantalizing, but provided an education of sorts that has brought me to a place of great respect and appreciation for women.

It would have been easier for me to prescribe a few pills or to declare a penance of “three Hail Mary’s and two Our Fathers” for their absolution. Instead, as I heard all the stories and sins, I thought to myself, you only live once, you should enjoy yourself. Is that wrong? I was young, and It all sounded so exciting, I suppose with age comes wisdom. I’ve come to the conclusion that my chair is really just a different version of the doctors exam table, the psychologists couch, or the priest’s confessional booth.

Comments
  1. Art says:

    Bless me father for I have sinned!!!! lolol

  2. Great stuff Joseph, very funny…….just trying to imagine you as a priest is pretty fuunny.

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